can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
