he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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