Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
