God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
