yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
