I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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