how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
