she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
