why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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