I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
