My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
