hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
zippers are such a cool invention
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
