if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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