Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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