We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
