Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
