dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
