Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
