Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
