mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
