There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
