I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
