why didn't you poke me back
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
