Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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