conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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