there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
