Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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