Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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