You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
