I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
