I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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