ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
