Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
