I wish i was in the wii world.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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