I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
