i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
