i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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