i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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