We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can I color on your dick again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
