i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
