Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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