i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
