Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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