I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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