In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
