how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
