I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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