Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
