I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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