he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
