Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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