Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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